Fat bloated Americans, some victims of superstorm Sandy, flocked, floated and even swam to the voting booths upon hearing Barack Obama’s promise of building yet more McDonald’s.
Around the world billions of extra cows have been lined up outside slaughterhouse depots as smart advertisements convince the Chinese burgers are more cool than noodles.
At one point experts thought the world could run out of grass because of middle class Americans excessive lawn mowing.
“There is no need to grow rice or vegetables any more now we have McDonald’s” said Chinese leader Xi Jinping, addressing the Chinese nation 50 times a day over all media channels with the same bland message. “The aim of every Chinese person should be to get as fat and pointless as the average American by eating as many Mcdonalds burgers as possible.”
Some analysts smell monopoly corruption and Ken Tucky of the Confederation of Chicken Fast Food Outlets of America said: “This beef burger corruption is outrageous! Everybody needs a bit of Chicken, after all, why did the chicken cross the road? Because she wanted to be fried at Tasty Chicken dot com, you know it!”
Vegetarian spokesperson Veronica Carrotfanny was in despair: “I will never understand why some people think it is necessary to process the goodness nature has provided for us all by killing and eating an animal who has eaten it.”
Dr Heinrich Spanks explained: “In nature we see some creatures eat only vegetation and some eat only meat. It appears humanity is a mixture of both.”
Veronica Carrotfanny and Dr Heinrich Spanks got married soon after that, had some wonderful kids and everybody lived happily ever after.