A team of British audiology scientists has designed a breakthrough listening device for men that will bring harmony to husbands and wives throughout the world.
Following intensive international studies of male hearing patterns it was discovered that approximately 86% of men have significant hearing loss around female voice frequencies. Audiologists have determined that the risk of hearing loss or vestibular abnormality increases within the first six months of marriage.
Dr Phillip Armstrong, from the Cambridge Science Institute said, “This is the period where the female voice increases in pitch to such an extent that men no longer hear it. However, our research also led to the discovery that only the family dog was receptive to the sounds. So it was here that we concentrated our efforts to find a solution to the problem.”
After months of research and stringent tests the team has developed a form of cochlear implant which says Dr Armstrong, “will bring back the gift of hearing to married men.”
The strap on device is designed to be worn under a base-ball cap or wig and uses a form of bone conductivity to transmit any high frequencies. These may range from a standard shriek to a fake orgasm or the wail of a banshee.
In trials, the percentage of men who were able to hear previously inaudible frequencies increased to a significant level. However scientists are still working on alleviating a few minor side effects such as alcohol dependency and an abnormal interest in sheds.