“Where there was discord, let us bring harmony. Where there was Moyles, let us bring Grimshaw. Where there is Newsnight, let us bring nightly repeats of the Blue Planet, till we think of something.” With these words, Justin Welbeloved, recently elevated to the post of ABC, agreed to be DG of the BBC, until a suitable replacement can be found. He dismissed rumours that the BBC may be forced to lose a 'B' as a result of its failings, although he said one "B" might be temporarily downgraded to lower case.
Welbeloved, who conceded he has no experience of journalism agreed that combining the two roles of Church leader and state broadcasting chief would be demanding. “That is why I have asked my friend, Oliver Green, currently Chief Rabbi, to stand in for some of my duties as Archbishop while I’m at the BBC. “I have no real experience in Christianity,” Green told the media “but I’m more than happy to help, till the Pollard Report into Newsnight’s failings can be delivered.
Su Pollard will look at alleged editorial failings at Newsnight. A surprise appointment, she is best known for her role in Hi di Hi as the wacky chambermaid. She conceded a “lack of experience in media related issues” but plans to inject “a bit of fun into the misery.” She has no plans to give up her role as the wicked witch in “Babes in the Wood” at the Alhambra, Stockport during the inquiry.
Meanwhile, a top secret list of Tory grandees willing to step into Chris Patten’s shoes and shut down the BBC completely has been published on Twitter by Philip Schofield. "There has been no shortage of Conservative Peers who have allegedly abused the BBC repeatedly in private, going back thirty years," he said. "We're talking about repeated, vicious and sustained abuse of the Corporation. But at the moment we must put the victims first."
