Following his defeat in the US election, Mitt Romney has admitted that he was 'Living a lie' and is in-fact an alcoholic transvestite 'Who never desreved the chance to run for president.'
'I gave the impression of being a powerful all-americal hero when I was really spending most evenings with George W. Bush trying-on new eye shadows and drinking Cosmopolitans' admitted a tearful Romney.
'The only good things to emerge from my admission are a clear conscience and the knowledge that there is no such thing as a truly waterproof mascara.'