The Conservative Party child molestation accusation, often called the least surprising sex scandal in history, look at the stuff they got up to the 90s if you don't believe me, has this week been exploited by This Morning host Philip Schofield .
During an interview with David Cameron the presenter handed the Prime Minister a piece of paper that supposedly contained the list of Tory MP's implicated in the case but has now been revealed as a list of demands to ensure the safe return of Lib Dem leader Nick Clegg, missing since his last trip to ITV.
Scofield had thought it was the perfect crime, perhaps it was until a rouge cameraman, who cannot be named to protect his family, filmed the exchange in such a way that the writing was visible. Realizing something had gone wrong the kidnapper implored viewers not to look at the list. Unfortunately for him mid morning viewership is made up entirely of people who have nothing better to do than pause the screen and scrutinize the text.
Among his demands were a serious scientific study into premature grayness, a life time supply of j=Just for Men and that his co-host Holly Willoughby would blow into his belly at night before he goes to sleep.
After the discovery of the abduction Schofield fled the ITV studies. Police have been asked the public to be on the look out but advise not to approach if you see him because, as the police have said, Philip Schofield is currently the most dangerous man in Britain.