Speaking from a cave in Costa Rica, a prominent Reptilian today disassociated himself from all things human related. Including the US Presidential elections, the Jimmy Savile paedophile scandal, and Nadine Dorries going into 'I'm A Celebrity - Get Me Out of Here!'
"It's that fucking David Icke," the Reptilian rasped from a recessed place of dark shadow. "He's a pain in the fucking arse. That dickhead blames us for everything that's wrong with the world. Quite frankly, I'd have him bumped off. But I'm not as all-powerful as he's led people to believe. Otherwise I would have done it years ago. Trust me."
Continuing in a similar vein, the Reptilian hissed: "We didn't know what we were getting into. We picked up Gary Glitter singing 'Wanna Be In My Gang?' on our intergalactic multidimensional scanner. And it seemed a fair enough invitation. Like PPI and Jim'll Fix It. Had we known what we were getting into, we wouldn't have gone near it with a shitty stick."
The Reptilian went on to claim that his fellow Reptilians had no connection whatsoever with 'any of that crap' - specifically mentioning (yet again) the US Election, which he branded: 'The blind leading the stupid,' and Conservative MP Nadine Dorries going into the jungle with Ant and Dec, on a long overdue ego trip, not to mention the Yorkshire Ripper defending Jimmy Savile's honour.
"Even David Icke would struggle to get people to believe this crap," he said in closing.