In the wake of recent sex scandals celebrities will be issued with a choice of three moustaches that can be deployed to maintain their anonymity and privacy.
The three "taches" offered are
The Magnum PI / Ned Flanders an all round dignified soup strainer.
The Mario - to add that little Italian American spice to your life.
The Lawrenceson - a wispy little caterpiller.
"It amazing how quickly your identity is covered up with these moustaches" said Jeanette Krankie yesterday - "Whether your a man, a woman, a child or animal. These brilliant disguises are just the ting for keeping you out of the harsh glare of the paparazzi flash bulbs"
More soon