Dame Janet Smith, a former appeal court judge, heading the investigation into culture and practice at the BBC in the aftermath of the Jimmy Savile scandal, has confirmed that all new suspects will be unveiled using Scooby-Doo tactics centred-on the public unmasking of celebrities who will then be required to mutter 'Damn those pesky kids' to waiting TV reporters.
Dame Smith revealed that cartoon-style justice was appropriate given the need to engage with today's youngsters so they better understand what is happening at the BBC, and to ensure that 50-somethings from the Savile era awake sweating as their abuse is relived in horrendous nightmares.
Cartoon-style justice is on the ascendancy in the UK following the decision by parliament to punish expenses cheat 'Denis the menace' MacShane with a 48-hour wait in A&E wth a saucepan stuck on his head rather than suffer the indignity of a prison sentence and financial ruin.
Dame Smith confirmed that the unveilings would be conducted by all the Scooby Doo characters with the exception of Shaggy, who was deemed to be inappropriate unless a male suspect was going to face claims of non-homosexual abuse, in which case the unveiling would take place in a Wormwood Scrubs shower block.
