1] Who are the candidates?
Running for the democrats is the incumbent President Barack Hussein Obama. Born in Kenya, Obama emigrated to America with the sole intention destroying the country through affordable Health Care.
In the early 1940s a sciencetist called Thomas Elkhart began work on a machine that would look and act just like a real man. Unfortunately he failed so he just made a robot called Mitt Romney instead.
2] The economy sucks right now, what will they do about it?
President Obama plans to destroy the economy by making millionaires slightly less millionairely. He wants to raise the taxes you'll be paying once you get around to owning your own business which you totally will one day man.
Governor Romney plans to fix the economy.
3] Is Obama a secret Muslim, terrorist or Socialist? Is Romney a secret anything?
Obama is a secret anything you want him to be to sell your new book. In some countries he is himself the secret, Portugal is not aware of his existence.
Mitt Romney is a secret Muslim. Romney and Ramadan are the same word if said by the chav girl from Misfits.
4] I'm not American, why does this election matter to me?
5] What do the candidates think of Israel?
This is one area they both agree. Israel is a friend of America and as President they will ensure it safety and yes Florida has lovely weather and yes they would like to hear about your Grandson's soccer game.
6] Who would I rather have a beer with?
Yes, they're should be a test you have to pass to be able to vote.
7] Has either candidate said anything crazy this year?
Mitt Romney has suggested that all aero planes windows should be able to open if there is a fire on board. He also has the ability to make any sentence seem odd and unsettling.
Barack Obama thinks that a man should be able to put his penis in any hole he wants.
8]Okay, elections can be pretty negative. Who is the 'good guy' in this race?
9] Does my vote matter?
Absolutely. The founding fathers created a system that made sure that everybody's vote matters.
Provided you live in a swing state.
10] Do I have to be registered to vote?
Goddamnit. Why do I bother?