Hot on the heels of the Jimmy Savile scandal, beloved 70s television personality and current mainstay in the Eastbourne theatre circuit Ian Krankie has been arrested by police after having been discovered to have had intimate relations with long-term comedy partner and ward Wee Jimmy Krankie, to the point where it is believed he even married the eternally young schoolboy.
The police were first alerted by a member of the audience of one of his performances, after he was sighted kissing the boy backstage after the show. "I just couldn't believe my eyes" said Gladys Winslow, who had been invited backstage to meet the pair with the rest of her Women's Institute "Me and the girls were very excited to meet a couple of celebrities and tell Jimmy just how lovely we thought he was but when we got back there we saw the two hugging and kissing while congratulating each other on their performance. They then saw us and came towards us with their hands outstretched to greet us. Well, we were going to stay there to spend time with an obvious pedophile and quickly left and rang the police from a nearby payphone."
Police have reported that Ian Krankie was quickly arrested and Jimmy has been taken into emergency foster care, however what should have been a quick ending has turned far more dark as it is now believed that the young boy has been brainwashed by his supposed father figure.
"When we tried to remove him and place him with foster parents, Jimmy kept protesting by telling us the ridiculous story that 'he' is in fact a 'she' named Janette who is actually not much younger than 'Ian' and is also married to him" reported a police spokesman "Clearly this young man has been mentally conditioned to believe this, and we currently have our best psychologists on hand to try and return him to the simple, football-loving boy he should be".
Asked for the current status of Ian Krankie, the police spokesman said "Well, he's in custody for now and has already been beaten up by my officers once or twice. After what happened with Savile, we're determined to show we're not wearing kid gloves with these sickos who think they can hide behind their fame anymore."