The senior conservative figure at the centre of rumours alleging he was part of a paedophile ring says he cannot be named as his identity has been stolen. “I was the victim of identity theft last week, leaving me totally nameless. That’s why, while I strongly deny any allegations of criminal activity, I cannot be named. I cannot be named because my name has been stolen. I am a victim, not a perpetrator. Even I have no idea of my name.
"Believe me, I have tried hard to find it out. I have sung “Happy Birthday” to myself, but when I get to the “Happy birthday dear….” It all goes blank. I have attempted to sign my name, but the signature is illegible. I have tried to phone my ex-wife, who took my name on marriage, but she has since changed her name. I have phoned the passport office and the Department of Social Services, but the first thing they ask is what my name is. All I can send them is a description or a photograph.”
One reporter who prefers not to be named claims to have spoken to the former statesman. He said “I know this man’s name. He was at one time very well known. I met him and offered to tell him his name, but as soon as I did he stuck his fingers in his ears and started singing the Match of the Day theme very loudly.”
The man has now demanded a face to face meeting with Lady Thatcher. “She’s the only one I trust. She'll know who I am. If she tells me my name, then that’s my name.”
Mrs Thatcher’s office declined to meet the unnamed man or comment on the allegations. “Lady Thatcher has no idea who this man is” a spokesman said.