Disgraced MP Denis MacShane hit back yesterday at claims that he cynically fiddled expenses, citing several instances where his worthy claims had been 'misunderstood', and where had nobly foregone the opportunity to be reimbursed. He had not, for example, claimed this week for all the buckets he had to buy for everyone to be sick into after his statement that he was “obviously desperately sorry for any embarrassment I have caused my beloved Labour Party and its leader Ed Miliband whom I greatly admire.”
At a cocktail party, dressed nattily as a 'dandy highwayman' he insisted that he had not gained personally from the claims and that the original complaints were politically motivated. “Clearly I deeply regret that the way I chose to be reimbursed for costs related to my work in Europe and in combating anti-semitism, including being the Prime Minister’s personal envoy, has been judged so harshly”. Members of the Auchwitz commission have asked if they can borrow the buckets when everyone else is done with them.
MacShane continued his resignation statement with "I have decided for the sake of my wonderful constituency of Rotherham and my beloved Labour Party to resign as an MP by applying for the Chiltern Hundreds or as guided by the House authorities." The House authorities are reported to have considered guiding him somewhere less desirable, such Syria or Slough, but opted instead for the 'far harsher' option of suspending him for a year.
Torquil Stirrup, a spokesman from the parliamentary committe commented "By the time we get round to cutting the blighter down he will have turned completely blue and should be no further trouble".
The BBC have meanwhile denied that MacShane is to return as loveable rogue 'Lovejoy', stating that they "do have some standards".