Police were on high alert last night as hundreds of youths gathered in high streets across the UK to protest at the closure of electrical retailer, Comet.
Not long after the news broke social media networks were flooded with angry rantings from gangs and lone wolves urging looters to take to the streets. Twitter was said to be at saturation point with expletives threatening to send the Twittersphere into meltdown. Emergency services were also on standby with staff of remaining A&E departments rummaging through depleted stores for sticking plasters and TCP.
"It's a fucking disgrace," said former magistrate and convicted looter, Charles Rutherford from Bermondsey. "how are looters supposed to get by against a background of a double dip recession and government cuts? Now we can't even break a fucking window to put food on the table."
Amy Wyn-Jones from Cardiff, who has just served 3 years for stealing a sheep and a loaf of bread said, "I blame online shopping for this mess. You can't exactly smash your PC monitor to grab goods now can you? Where's it all going to end? We can't even loot Dixons now as those bastards Curry's took it over."
In a statement to the media a Comet spokesman said, "We are sad to disappoint our loyal looters but we have hung on for as long as we could. However they shouldn't get too despondent as Poundland and 99p stores do offer a viable alternative and look set to be the only high street retailers worth looting in the future."
Meanwhile in an anonymous message to household appliance giant Apollo, a splinter group of looters said that the stores do not need to board up windows as what they sell is "total crap with zero street value."