In the first new sensational interview since thousands of alleged accusations about Jimmy Saville emerged, interviewed by Sir David Frost, the Pope admitted Jimmy Saville could have made a good priest if only there were more choirgirls.
“Every sensible person these days who has de-learned their religious education (why was it there in the first place) as they have grown up knows the Bible, as with all religions, is a load of made-up mumbo jumbo fairy stories designed as social control devices.”
Quite a strange thing for the Pope to be admitting, but he continued: “I don’t give a fucking shit about anything anymore. I’m gonna die soon so I thought I’d better come clean. All this religion rubbish, it’s all made-up fairy stories. Yeah, you’re right it’s a social control device and people are becoming wiser to it today.”
The Pope went on to describe the Nazi atrocities he was involved in in great detail too graphic to replicate on a family show, which were lapped up by the Women’s Institute audience.
The Pope was pleased to note the God-fearing Women’s Institute women pledged their sons to join the local choirboys.
Luckily The Famous Five arrived just in time and all the choirboys ‘enjoyed’ a ginger beer.