Stock markets around the world have been sent crashing today following the news that Bono will be out of action for up to six weeks.
'Everyone knows that Bono tells virtually every government in the world what to do' explained the BBC's Robert Peston. 'If he's out of action no-one will have a clue what they should be doing. The entire global economy could go to rack and ruin.'
Prime Minister David Cameron confirmed that today's Queen's speech was almost cancelled following the news. 'Fortunately we'd already sought Bono's opinion on most of the proposed bills already, and Bob Geldof was available for a bit of last minute fine tuning'.
However, a temporary solution may soon be found, as former X Factor winner Shane Ward declared himself available. 'I'm not doing much at the moment' he said.