Goblins, ghouls, fairies and the souls of the dead may not make an appearance on Halloween this year, according to folklorists.
'They're just shit scared of British schoolchildren', said leading Halloween folklorist Candide Haze. 'It's no fun to turn out once a year to try and terrify everyone, and for your trouble get pelted with eggs and covered in flour. It's really scary.'
But ten-year-old Samantha Woods said she and her friends weren't interested in trick and treating the souls of the dead on Halloween night.
'We're far too busy anyway having fun scaring the shit out of my gran and grandad,' she said.