The British National Party has unveiled its Christmas 2013 gift-set compendium. The ideal present for this year's aspiring despots.
- My little Nazi: A tasteful third reich plastic figure, resplendent in SS uniform, complete with a toy revolver, plastic bullets and authentic torturing implements. My little Nazi is supplied with a small foreign toy child who will cry real tears if the torturing implements are used correctly, or incorrectly.
- Send-it-back packing crate: A miniature real wood crate containing straw and the choice of either a Pakistani, Indian, African or Caribbean crying model child accompanied by elderly relatives in 1:24 scale.
- Britishness test quiz: A set of searching questions designed to test the extent of your britishness including such questions as ‘Should Nick Griffin be knighted?, Name a famous BNP leader and who should you vote for if you don’t want your windows kicking in?’
- ‘I agree with Nick’ David Cameron doll: Following the leadership debates at the last general election where ‘I agree with Nick’ became the mantra, the BNP has twisted the words to make it appear there is strong alignment between a political party with a hatred of foreigners, invalids and human rights and the BNP.
- Gay, lesbian and transgender V-sign fingers: A set of blow-up middle fingers designed to deliver a striking visual message to any pink-minded do-gooders.
- To finish the treat, each set is supplied with a colourful black shirt which can be worn on menancing marches in your neighbourhood.
The strictly limited edition compendium will be available from all branches of IKEA for the next six weeks. Anyone not buying one can expect a 'Tap on the door' around 4am any day soon. 'We're the BNP, and we know where you live.'