♪♫ (to the tune of 'Hotel California')...
On a dark Berkshire highway, cool wind in his hair
Warm smell of ambition, rising up through the air
Up ahead in the distance, he saw a shimmering light
His head grew heavy and insight grew dim
Clegg had to stop for the night
There Dave stood in the doorway;
They heard the Division Bell
And Clegg was thinking to himself,
"This could be Heaven or this could be Hell"
Then Dave lit up a candle and he showed him the way
There were voices down the corridor,
Clegg thought he heard them say...
Welcome to the Hotel Coalition
Such a lovely place (Such a lovely place)
Such a lovely face
Plenty of room at the Hotel Coalition
Any time of year (Any time of year)
You can find it here
Dave's mind is Eton-twisted, he got the Mercedes bends
He got a lot of pretty, pretty boys he calls friends
How they dance in the courtyard, sweet summer sweat
Some dance to remember Maggie, some dance to forget
So Clegg called the Speaker,
"Please bring me my whine"
He said, "We haven't had that spirit here since nineteen seventy nine"
And still those voices are calling from far away,
Wake you up in the middle of the night
Just to hear them say...
Welcome to the Hotel Coalition
Such a lovely place (Such a lovely place)
Such a lovely face
They livin' it up at the Hotel Coalition
What a nice surprise (what a nice surprise)
Bring your alibis
Smoke and mirrors on the ceiling,
The Pouilly-Fumé on ice
And Boris said "We are all just prisoners here, of our own device"
And in the Speaker's chambers,
They gathered for the feast
They stab it with their steely knives,
But they just can't kill the beast
Last thing Clegg remembers, he was
Running for the door
He had to find the passage back
To the place he was before
"Relax, " said the Chief Whip,
"We are programmed to deceive.
You can check-out any time you like,
But you can never leave! "
