A spokesman for the Football Supporters Federation has warned that urine based bodily fluids amongst its 140,000 members are at an all-time low and that football clubs can not simply keep taking and taking the amber tinged liquid from their fan-base without first replenishing stocks.
But with demand for season ticket prices at an all-time high, there appears little relief in store for hard pressed fans.
Football clubs have been relieving supporters of their bodily fluids since the Football League first kicked-off way back in 1888 but the escalating problem only really became apparent when urine extraction began to overtake production following the setting up of the Premier League in 1992
Supporters associations claim that Premiership clubs are making unrealistic demands on their members kidney secretions and that they (the supporters) fear their ability to eliminate soluble toxic waste from their bodies is in danger of drying up altogether.
The Federation warned that current micturition levels within supporters groups is unsustainable and cannot be guaranteed if demand from Premiership clubs keeps rising at current levels and that an increase in infections such as Cystitis and Hematuria - especially amongst those clubs trying to pull away from the bottom - cannot be ruled out in future.
Experts in renal physiology have warned the Football Supporters Federation that turbid urine excretions amongst its members has a direct link to out-of-touch Premiership players and can be traced back to escalating wage demands and an inability to deal with the toy/pram-pram/toy conundrum that seems to dominate their life-style.
Although the demand for season tickets is holding up well in the Premiership League, there are signs that the recession is starting to have an undesired effect on even the biggest of clubs.
Shareholders at The Emirates have complained that their annual dividend no longer comes with the distinctive asparagus aroma usually associated with a shafting from the Gunners Plc pricing policy but now comes with the waft of a rather indifferent Waitrose Chardonnay, probably from the Cote de Beaune region.
Analysts estimate that a Premiership club needs at least 25,000 willing supporters either with an enlarged bladder and/or an embarrassing prostate problem just to break even.
But focus groups say that dwindling reserves of ammonia could leave clubs seeking alternative ways of extracting liquid from the human bodies natural filtration system.
And with season ticket prices and player’s wages set to go up again next season, Premiership accountants are already busy working out new, innovative ways of relieving supporters of their toxic waste.
'Red Devil catheter in club shop in time for Christmas' promises Gill
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A spokesman for the Football Supporters Federation has warned that urine based bodily fluids amongst its 140,000 members are at an all-time low and that football clubs can not simply keep taking and taking the amber tinged liquid from their fan-base without first replenishing stocks.Posted 3 years ago #
Very clever but 5 paragraphs too long. 4*Posted 3 years ago #
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