Serbia has been disqualified from this year's World Conker Championships which kicks off in Accrington Town Hall this weekend.
Inspectors from the World Conker Council yesterday discovered gross irregularities in dozens of Serbian conkers, scheduled for use in Saturday morning's Round One against England Under 21's. Of those submitted for random testing, ten were found with solid black innards. A sure sign they had been illegally dipped in vinegar and baked in an oven.
“One look at their skin and I knew they were cheating,” said Len Grandly, WCC Match Referee.
“A conker's skin should be clean and clear. Gently tanned with a healthy waxen sheen and a well defined blonde circle at the crown of the nut,” Grandly explained. “But these Serbian conkers were coarse and wrinkly, showing sure signs of being blackened in a gas oven.”
Serbian coach, Ratko Slobodzic later admitted his team's conkers were hard as nails. But vehemently denied cheating. “Our beautiful Balkan horse-chestnuts were suffering from sunburn brought on by exposure to your unreliable British weather,” he claimed.