The Duchess of York confided to friends today that she is considering going public about the heartbreaking secret struggle with stupidity. Brave Fergie, whom the nation took to its heart before realising she was dumb, is thought to have been conducting a private battle against idiocy for most of her life.
She claims she was identified by doctors at an early age as highly unintelligent - some experts believe she may have been born with the condition - and has received private help for it throughout her life. But heartache followed heartache as one treatment after another proved ineffective and she left to contemplate living the rest of her life as a thicky. One former doctor to the Royal Family said: "It was hopeless. As a medical professional you do what you can, but eventually I had to walk away. Your heart goes out to her."
The Duchess has been quoted as saying: "This is all a relief. I've been living with this idiocy privately for years, while tricking the world into thinking that I was this super woman who had it all. It worked so well for so long, but it was eating away at me. I have to thank the undercover journalist because going public on this is the best thing that could have happened to me. Now, what's on ITV2?"
Koo Stark is 87.