In a move that has shocked the show business world, the USADA have today stripped The Beatles of all of their number one hits.
A USADA spokesman presented a 100 page report which he said proved conclusively that the Beatles were serial liars who had led "the most sophisticated, professionalised and successful brainwashing programme that the world had ever seen".
Highlights of the report include revelations that there are almost definitely not 8 days in a week, that John Lennon and George Harrison no longer feel fine and that in his short marriage to Heather Mills, Sir Paul McCartney had raised the question that money possibly CAN buy you love … albeit temporarily.
