The Jimmy Savile saga took an extraordinary twist today when Home Secretary Theresa May announced she is seeking his extradition from Hell. "In this country, the long arm of the law stretches much further than some people realise and I am confident we can go beyond the veil to ensure Mr Savile faces justice. After all, we've just managed to ship Abu Hamza off to America after less than a decade of trying, so anything is possible."
Asked how she was going to achieve this extradition, Mrs May confirmed that the Home Office has opened negotiations with the Minister for Exfernal Affairs from Hell, Mr Mephistopheles Dawkins. "We have contacted Mr Dawkins through the celebrity medium Danny Fry", said Mrs May, "and we are convinced there will be a resurrection of Mr Savile."
Mr Dawkins issued this statement from Hell's earthly HQ, co-shared with the Ecuador Embassy in London : "We are pleased to co-operate with the British Government and would be willing to accede to their demands, providing the following conditions are met:
- Mr Savile is accompanied back to the UK by other Hell undesirables, including Kenny Everett, John Peel and Simon Dee
- A guarantee that we do not receive Noel Edmonds, Gary Glitter or Jonathan King when they kick the bucket
A former colleague of Jimmy Savile, Roger Pullman, condemned the move by the Home Office. "I think Jimmy was a god and untouchable at the BBC. He was great at every BBC Christmas party, even though personally I found him a little too tame and square for my liking."