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Following sponsorship deal, club renamed ‘Newcastle Sharks’...

(9 posts) (4 voices)

Started 8 months ago by Tripod
Latest reply from B.E.P.

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Tripod

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Posted 8 months ago #
Midnight Dreary

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I like this, let's have it up on the ticker.
Probably should read "Following Wonga sponsorship deal..."

Relief to see an actual joke floating around in a lonely sea of turds...

Posted 8 months ago #
Tripod

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Probably should read "Following Wonga sponsorship deal..."

I thought anyone reading it could make that little leap...

Relief to see an actual joke floating around in a lonely sea of turds...

Erm... thank you. An image that will stay with me for the rest of the day...

Posted 8 months ago #
B.E.P.

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Nice. Being a girl I agree you need wonga reference. Just gives the reader enough info to make the leap at the end. At the moment you need to make te leap of 'newcasle, oh wonga, oh loan sharks, ah newcastle sharks. It's a lot of leaping

Posted 8 months ago #
Midfield Diamond

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Yeah, good one.

Posted 8 months ago #
Tripod

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It's a lot of leaping

But you made it...

Posted 8 months ago #
B.E.P.

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Yes, but you need to give enough info. As it reads you can not be sure what the joke is about until the end.

By adding Wonga you make the story clear and give the reader a quicker and more pleasurable pay-off. xxx

Posted 8 months ago #
Tripod

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As it reads you can not be sure what the joke is about until the end.

Isn't that the point (sometimes)? An "ah!" moment??

Posted 8 months ago #
B.E.P.

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Absolutely, and that's what a strong punchline will give you and you would get with wonga in the set up, as you still have to make a connection. But I feel this gave me more of a uh...oh. The set up is to vauge. We may disagree, and that's ok. Nice to have the conversation.

It's a good joke, but I personally think it would be stronger.

Posted 8 months ago #

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