Romford, Essex. Three weeks ago the local council, in response to residents and parents complaints, installed a £40,000 pelican crossing outside St Stiletto the White's Primary School to increase child safety when crossing the road. Since the installation it has never been used. A teacher explained that the week before the grand unveiling the school had a lively chat about space exploration and the prospect of life on other planets. However one vocal child insisted that all aliens were little green men and they would invade earth in before afternoon playtime
"A giggle was had by all but when we took the children out to the pelican crossing to show them the safe way to cross by waiting for the little green man, pandemonium. Children cowering behind the school wall, mass crying and general panic. That little bugger Tommy just had a broad grin.
The council brought in at some expense, Dave Prowse in his safety persona of The Green Cross Man to help coax the children to use it. Within minutes Tommy had Googled Mr Prowse and announced that he was Darth Vader. It was if an ice cream van had arrived, children everywhere, even the girls took off their heels to run away"
Yesterday, peace had once more returned but the crossing was closed. The headteacher was pleased that a compromise had been reached and children could cross the busy A2 in safety. "The answer was to hire Tommy’s older brother and he bundles the children into his pimped Saxo and rags it across the road. We’ve only had one incident where he was clipped by a cab that started a spin. He turned a couple of donuts and still managed to drop the kids off with no issue.
Overall it’s a good compromise, as for Tommy, he’s the county’s youngest market stall holder. So a happy ending for all"