A recently-translated ancient text has shed shocking light on some of Jesus's earliest attempts to get going as a prophet.
The scroll, now known as the Fifth Gospel or Book of Rita, describes events in the early life of Christ, including some disastrous miracles.
When Christ was 18, for example, he attended a wedding at which one of the guests asked for a glass of water. "And Jesus did call out to one of the servants, saying - bring me that wine. And the servant did as he was bidden, and Iesus did bring it to the other man, saying Take you now of this, for I am the son of God. And yea, all the wine at this feast shall henceforth be water."
"And Jesus's mother did chastise him later, saying she would never be able to face Aunt Maureen again, and what on earth was he thinking?" (Rita, Chapter 98, Verse 3009).
An earlier example of Christ's juvenilia includes his attempt to resurrect Chippy Smythe from the dead even though Smythe had only complained of a bit of a headache. Later, an unnamed observer recalls the ridicule he received during his attempts to walk on water at the after-school swimming club.
Jesus's report card, apocryphal to the book of Rita but still considered by scholars to be worthy of study, is extremely critical of the young man's Messiah complex, and recommends he spend more time with that nice boy Judas, who honestly looks as if he'd never do anything wrong.