The Department of Transport earlier announced that from today, white road markings would cease to exist. As of October the 5th, all white lines on roads will be removed, in an effort to save over £3 billion pounds a year in white paint.
Department of Transport spokesman Steven Highfive said " Every year, we spend more and more money on repainting white lines on Britain's roads, and it's got to the stage now where we feel this is a massive waste of public money. More importantly, it is a waste of our time, as we spend more hours cleaning out paint brushes and those little roller trays than actually painting. We have therefore decided to remove all white lines from roads,with the aim of saving the tax payers a fortune."
Steven was quick to defend critisism from several road safety groups, who claim this will lead to a massive increase in road deaths.
"This will of course lead to a massive increase in road deaths, as there will no dividing line between drivers and oncoming traffic, but on the plus side, think of how exciting car journeys will be from now on? Think of the fun that you used to have on the Dodgems as a child. Well imagine that for real, travelling 70 miles per hour on the M40, dodging cars heading straight for you, and the fun never ends. Plus, with the need to concentrate even harder to prevent head on collisions, drivers will be alot less likely to fall asleep at the wheel, so this scheme will infact end up saving lives."
If this project proves a success, the Department of Transport will roll out more groundbreaking schemes, including the removal of all traffic lights, ending all speed limits, and removing brakes from cars altogether. "We want to put the fun back into driving," concluded Steven, following the press conference in London. Several roads have already had their lines removed, with the scheme expected to take at least a year.Today truly does mark the end of the line for road markings.
Editors note: Following this press conference, Steven Highfive was sadly killed when a pallet containing surplus white paint cans fell onto his car whilst being unloaded.