The BBC has announced plans for a brand new show next autumn, ‘Strictly Come Noncing.’
Set in a well known maximum security prison on the Isle of Wight, celebrities will be put through the grind as they pair up with professional noncers to compete in a major noncing competition. Viewers will then vote for their favourites with one couple getting lynched each week.
A spokesman for the BBC said, “In a series of live shows our knee trembling celebrities will take to the exercise yard with their professional noncing partners to perform their routines before an audience of excited guards and lifers. They’ll also receive a few hot tips as they spend time in cells getting to grips with each other.”
The list of celebrities is a closely guarded secret at present but is said to include, a top CBeebies presenter, a TV chef, a top ranking policeman, bishop and a soap star.
Billy “Fingers” Malone, who is serving life at Parkhurst for noncing said, “I’m currently creaming myself at the thought of partnering one of the celebs but if it’s anyone like Ann Widdicombe or Johnny Ball they can forget it. Anne of Green Gables or Johnny Depp are more down my street. In fact I’d very much like to put a soapy young soap star through their paces in the showers if that can be arranged.”
A top TV presenter is currently in talks with the BBC as one of the hosts for the Strictly spectacular. Although his name cannot be revealed his management issued this statement from him, “I can’t wait to get under that Glitter ball and I’m sure I’ll have lots of favourites. In fact it will be a case of “Nonce to see you to see you nonce!”
Judges have not yet been selected but it is rumoured that they may include Craig ‘Devil’ Hardwood and Len Goodboy. The Show’s producers are currently casting for a suitably young and nubile female in order to attract more male and middle aged viewers who have not been well represented in similar show formats.
For those who can’t wait to get a taste of the show, The BBC has now set up a Strictly Come Noncing blog, where they'll soon be sharing the latest news and cell room gossip from the competition. Audiences will be able to get their daily dose of noncefloor drama and interview room trials.