As universities across the country return to lectures, the slow dwindling of the population of floppy-haired-indie-kids has now reached crisis point, with the NUS upgrading them from endangered to critically endangered, meaning less than one in 20 per halls of residence possess both a corduroy jacket and thick-rimmed spectacles and that total extincition of the species within former polytechnics could occur by 2020.
“The decline of FLIKS in our universities is something we cannot allow to continue.” Said Liam Burns, president of the National Union of Students in a statement today. “These complex creatures are vital to the undergraduate ecosystem, aiding pollination of mediocre guitar-based music and the transference of ‘Withnail and I’ quotes. Without them, demands for ‘the finest wines available to humanity’ will falter and die, preventing spontaneous humour within Student Union Bars.”
The reduction in FLICKS is having a knock-on effect to local economies of university towns; Bookshops are having to return hundreds of unsold copies of Jonathan Swift novels for pulping, while vintage clothing shops are also noting a marked decrease in sales of blazers and cravats.
In an exclusive interview, Dr. Frank Einfachthema: professor of Sociology and University Society at the University of Norwich; who commissioned the investigation into university populations commented on the importance of this noticeable subculture within the tertiary educational environment. “The Indie fan is vital to successful progression of both cultural identity and personal development, especially within undergraduate life. By simply sitting in any coffee lounge of an institution, nursing a cup of black filter coffee and reading classic literature, they convey an air of relaxation and confidence that encourages other students to question their own contribution to society and whether they too are ‘cool’. They are also strong creators of derision and stereotype, continuing the necessary dislike for students by members of the general populous. Their distain and scornful looks should you mention that you like the new Mumford and Sons album, or that you went to see a Hollywood film teach people that nothing you ever do will be good enough for some people, preparing them for life in mundane jobs upon graduation.”
All is not lost for these essential components of young-adult life however. Although higher education is suffering for their waning numbers, branches of Waterstones and Starbucks are reporting ever increasing hives of activity as teenagers instead choose to work after completing their A-Levels, thereby meaning the vital data carried by their deep looks and asymmetric haircuts is moving from localised campus fertilisation to the wider community.
While this could mean the end for FLIKS within halls of knowledge, the NUS also report a booming year for Gilet-owning-rugby-wankers.
NUS Report Floppy-Haired-Indie-Kids are now “Critically Endangered”
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As universities across the country return to lectures, the slow dwindling of the population of floppy-haired-indie-kids has now reached crisis point, with the NUS upgrading them from endangered to critically endangered, meaning less than one in 20 per halls of residence possess both a corduroy jacket and thick-rimmed spectacles and that total extincition of the species within former polytechnics could occur by 2020.Posted 1 year ago #
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