Alan Rusbridger, editor of The Guardian newspaper, today revealed that the paper’s left of centre political stance has always been ‘a bit of a joke that got out of hand.’ He said this morning, “we never actually thought that anyone took that stuff seriously, until we started the ‘comment is free’ feature in the online edition, and then we realised that some of our readers really did believe in the violent overthrow of the bourgeoisie and the establishment of the dictatorship of the proletariat. After all, the means of production could hardly be controlled by the workers, could they? At least, not without asking the Chinese first”.
He continued, “the joke started in 1968, when a group of us up at Cambridge decided that the Labour movement was becoming a laughing stock, what with manual workers getting seats in the Commons and everything, and so we decided to take over the paper and start parodying the beliefs and mores of the working classes, just like ‘Private Eye’ was doing for the rich. Unfortunately, we got caught up in a wave of inexplicable enthusiasm for crackpot ideas, like UFO’s, homoeopathy and socialism. Then we were stuck with it”.
“Feminism?” added Julie Bindell, editor of the women’s page and resident totty. “Don’t get me started. I burnt my bra once, but after five minutes on a trampoline I had two black eyes and a cracked incisor. Never again. And why do I have to swap recipes and knitting patterns in secret? Fuck that. I know we let Naomi Wolf whiffle on about her vagina from time to time, but that’s only lip-service on our part”.
Environment editor John Vidal said “no-one really gives a monkeys about global warming do they? After all, we’ll all be dead by the time it happens, and our kids will be able to live without putting the heating on in the winter, and with any luck George Monbiot will have drowned in his own sludge-digester. Win-win, really”.
Rusbridger added “as for all the Gay and Lesbian stuff, well, none of them really read the Guardian anyway; it’s well known that gays are all Conservatives - after all, they all want church weddings, don’t they? So, from now on we’re dumping all that left-of-centre bollocks, the whining anti-establishment rhetoric and the miniscule readership figures that go with it. I’m getting on a bit, and this might be my last chance of a gong from the Queen. I’m going where the smart money is - a News International buy-out”.
The editor of the Mirror is on holiday in Bermuda and unavailable for comment.
Quick links: NewsBiscuit Home • Chat Room • Writers' Room • Top Ten
The Guardian: we were only joking about that left-wing stuff.
(1 post) (1 voice)
Current rating::
-
sigmund
offlineMemberPosted 8 months ago #
Reply
You must log in to post.