Speaking after England’s early exit from the World Twenty 20 tournament at the hands of the host nation, captain Stuart Broad revealed his true motivation in Sri Lanka:
“Twenty 20 is nothing. It’s like a snooker match played over one frame with only three balls, or wheelchair rugby without the wheelchairs. The big prize this year is Sports Personality!”
In a success-riddled year for British sport in which Bradley Wiggins rode a bike really fast in France (without a string of onions) and then in London, (without being cut up by a taxi driver), Jessica Ennis ran around a lot, jumped over things and chucked some things about a bit, Mo Farrah invented the dance for The Village People’s new single “M”, and Europe’s Ryder Cup team managed not to come last in a two horse race, England’s Twenty 20 cricket team knew they had to do something a little different if they wished to be in with a chance of winning this year’s BBC’s Sports Personality of the Year (SPOTY) Award.
Captain Stuart Broad said “We knew we had to do something a little different if we wished to be in with a chance of winning this year's BBC’s Sports Personality of the Year Award.”
“British sportsmen have been doing winning all year, and we knew that the only way we could stand out from the crowd was to lose. I was disappointed with the lads’ concentration in the opening game when we slipped to victory against Afghanistan, but they showed great spunk to bounce back to lose against the West Indies, India and Sri Lanka.”
“It’s not just a pipe dream. Greg Rusedski won SPOTY in 1997 and he never won anything ever.”
In spite of his Bullish attitude, the unsuccessful Broad will face stiff competition from England’s Euro2012 football team who lit up Ukraine earlier in the summer with a turgid 0-0 draw with Italy, before pulling the rabbit out of the bag yet again with another loss in a penalty shoot-out. Host of SPOTY Gary Lineker said: “Losing on penalties is a popular way for the England football team to get noticed, get talked about, and keep second-rate defenders in Pizza Hut adverts. Gazza won SPOTY in 1990 and he also never won nothing never.”
So, whereas the smart money may be going on Bradley Wiggins and his Raleigh Chopper, the England Cricket Team have to be a good outside bet. After all, they now look likely to go through the whole of 2012 without losing The Ashes once, and that hasn’t happened since 2011.