A team of scientists in New Zealand have created “low allergy” GM cow’s milk that finally solves the literally decades-long problem of how to ensure all babies can get the second-best food available to them. Tragically, up to 3% of babies are allergic to cow’s milk in the first year of life, leaving them dependent on the perfect nutritional balance found in the milk of actual humans. The study, which has been hailed as a breakthrough by infant formula companies worldwide, also confirms the existence of cows and scientists on the remote, sheep-infested archipelago.
Lead researcher Todd Jenkins said “we were inspired by Saudi IKEA’s vision of homes without women and wondered, where else could we remove them? Feeding their own babies seemed the obvious place to start. Now we can put women’s breasts back where they belong – in the focal range of the French paparazzi’s telephoto lenses.”
Some concerns were raised when a calf without a tail was born to a cow in the study. However, the researchers dismissed this as “not statistically significant, and anyway, over half the babies we fed this milk to did develop tails, so there’s no worry that the milk inhibits the growth of tails in any species.”