Security was being stepped up at first class lounges across Britain’s airports following the announcement of a new 75% tax rate for French millionaires. Meanwhile in France, thousands of elegantly-coutoired refugees massed at known getaway routes across their country – Gare du Nord, Charles de Gaulle, Orly, etc – facing an uncertain future with nothing but the hope that life would be better in Britain, and their enormous personal wealth.
Faced with this immigration crisis, Britain’s Prime Minister spoke out decisively. “In this crowded island, there can be no place for those not willing to pay their way” he said. “That’s why we’ll be rolling out the red carpet to any rich Frenchies that want to pay less tax.”
But others have been plunged into confusion. Latest reports suggest that civil war has broken out inside the offices of the Daily Mail, with pro-tax dodger factions from the business, property, fashion and celebrity wings of the paper pitted against diehard anti-French fanatics from politics and editorial staff. “This could get nasty” said one former staffer, “the antis are faced with something that destroys the basis of their entire worldview: foreigners who push up house prices.” It is thought that a decisive factor could be the attitude of the paper’s non-UK-domiciled owner, Lord Rothermere, who was unfortunately not available for comment at any of his UK addresses.
In the midst of this, what do the refugees themselves think? Traditionally, no one asks or cares, but through the miracles of modern technology the hitherto voiceless continental migrants have been able to speak to the British people, via a YouTube video recorded on one of their smartphones: “Yes we are coming to buy apartments and safe deposit boxes, but actually live in Britain? What would we eat? Don’t worry, we will be using our return tickets.”