Id just like to say thanks for the special limited edition Newsbiscuit Bible you sent me,its fantastic,your fantastic to I have all your recoards.Ive read all the Old Testament like you recommended,and I now follow all of Gods laws and try to share my new found knowledge with as many people as I can.For example if someone trys to defend the homosexual lifestyle,I simply remind them that Leviticus 18.22 clearly states it to be a abomination.I do need some advice from you thow however,regarding some of the other specific laws and how best to follow them.
1.When I burn a bull on my alter as a sacrifice,I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord,(Lev.1.9)but my neighbours dont find it pleasing to them,how should I deal with this problem?(as you know I live in a small bedsit in Camden.)
2.I know from Lev 11.6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean,but can I still play football if I wear gloves?
3.I would realy like to sell my daughter into slavery, as it suggests in Exodus 21.7.In your wise opinion,what do you think would be a fair price for her?(shes 58 years old,but in good fairly good nick)
4.I have a neighbour who insists on working on the Sabbeth,(tube driver)Exodus 35.2 clearly states he should be put to death.Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?or can I get a friend to do it for me?
5.A friend of mine feels even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Lev 10.10),it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality.I dont agree,can you settle this please John?
6.Lev.20.20 states that I may not approach the alter of God if I have a defect in my sight.I have to admit I wear reading glasses,if I got contact lences could I get round this?
7.I know Im not allowed contact with a women while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness,(lev15.19-24)The problem is how do I tell?I have tried asking,but most take offence.
8.Lev 25.44 states I may indeed posses slaves both male and female,provided they are purchased from neighbouring nations.A friend of mine claims this applies to the Welsh and the Scots,but not the Irish,can you clarify please?
9.My uncle has a farm,he violates Lev 19.19 by planting two different crops in the same field,as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread,(cotton/polyester blend)He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot.Is it realy necessary that I go to the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them both as it says to do in Lev 24.10-16?Couldnt we just burn them to death as a private family affair,like we do with people who sleep with their inlaws(Lev.20.14)
Please let me know as soon as possible,I shall start reading the New Testiment shortly your devoted fan Joan bloggs.xxx
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Dear Mr John O Farrel,
(18 posts) (11 voices)
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Jackaline Hyde
offlineMemberPosted 7 months ago # -
Martin Shuttlecock
offlineMemberNow there's a person who really knows how to take the piss.
Have five and an ASBO from moi.
Michelle.
Posted 7 months ago # -
Martin Shuttlecock
offlineMemberYou'd think being half Irish (Going by the name, and assuming that's the boss..) I'd get preferential treatment here.
Do I feck!
Posted 7 months ago # -
Jackaline Hyde
offlineMemberyou wretched miserable pork poking adulterous sinners,Ill spread the gospel of peace even if I have to do it by gunpoint,if its good enough for muslims and all the others, its good enough for Christians,I find it my moral duty to save you shellfish eating pagans from yourselves.
Posted 7 months ago # -
Jackaline Hyde
offlineMemberIm afraid it is original,you should listen to George Michael more, you gotta have faith,or Donny Osmond and his family who are all in the Morons.Oh yes yee of little faith,you wont be able to get into heaven unless you either have,A,a beard.B.a silly hat,the bigger and sillier the better. C,youve killed at least 6 peace loving pagans.D.you own a fully oiled and working AK47.or C.you believe in Ron Hubbards spacemen.Even then your permanant stay in paradise might be depressing and dissapointing,imagen your sitting there in a deck chair, playing your harp beside a stream,thinking this realy is fantastic,then God comes strolling along and asks says hello hows do you like the place?fantastic you say,but I havnt seen me dear old mum,wheres mum God?Ahhh says God,bit of a problem there with your old mum?What do you mean wheres dear old mum?Shes in Hell Im afraid for eating shellfish,but not to worry,you just enjoy yourself.Yeah its all true.....God wrote it all in one of his many books.
Posted 7 months ago # -
Not Amused
offlineMemberDeuteronomy 23:1 should appear somewhere..
He that is wounded in the stones, or hath his privy member cut off, shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD.
So any injury to your nuts or privy member and you are like a German who doesn't want to pay his religious tax
Posted 7 months ago # -
Arkameed
offlineMemberAs a highly moral person I find your comment highly offecive,God wrote all those books becouse your all to stupid to figure things out for yourself.AAAAAAAArrrrrrrrrhhhhhhhh Im so angry,boy if you knew how ANGRY youve made me youd realise how utterly angry I am.Your the kind of scum that would find a joke like the following funny,what do you give a paedophile who has everything?...a bigger parish.Yeah I can see you sniggering,go on laugh,laugh till your sides split,your be sorry.
Posted 7 months ago # -
Dave Grigger
offlineMemberWell its definatly a orininal article,Ive looked all over the net and cant find nothing like it.Im new here but but it wouldnt suprise me if it was O Farrel posting stuff and pretending to be a mad man,I used to go to the same school as him in Ireland and he was your typical attention seeker type.I remember once he posted a letter to the school saying hed been kidnapped and 2 days latter the caretaker found him hiding in a compost heap.He was a skittso Catholic,couldnt make his mind up if he should follow the old testament or the new testament.He kept saying if god so perfect and cant do no wrong, how come he got it all wrong in the old testament and had to right a new testament,he joined the moonies in the end,wed see him on Sundays going to the moonie church in Cork.His arse pressed up against the back window of the mini bus with all the others,anything to get attention.
Posted 7 months ago #
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