As dawn broke over London this morning the crippled 45,000 ton battleship Kelvin MacKenzie was listing heavily at her berth and sinking fast. Her rusty 15 inch guns belching smoke after one final fusillade backfired and exploded amidst her forward magazine. Early rumours suggest she was demanding an apology from someone or other before everything went tits up
“Reminds me of the night we finished-off the Bismark,” sighed genial old buff 102 year old Admiral Sir Ratchcock Turtlebury. “We had the bastard surrounded. Battleships HMS Sheffield to port. With HMS Hillsborough and then a line of destroyers to starboard, alongside the flagship HMS Liverpool.”
“She'd completely lost her steering see. Got one up the rudder by the look of things. Ended-up going round and round in daft circles at 5 knots. So Hillsborough did her a favour and shoved half a dozen torpedoes up her arse.”
However, an illegally intercepted phone message from the Admiralty this morning, suggests the Kelvin MacKenzie may well have been scuttled by her captain.
“Typical of those outdated tin-can bullies,” roared Turtlebury. “They can dish it out but they don't like it up 'em.”