An exasperated 75 year old widow has finally called time on her internet trolling 55 year old son and asked that he move out of the 2 bedroom council flat they share in Leeds.
Beryl Duncan said the final straw came after her son Stanley refused to vacuum the massive pile of crumbs in his bedroom, a result of his eating all meals and snacks while sat in front of his computer screen.
Stanley who fashions himself as a ‘comedy satire writer’ spends 24 hours a day holed up in his mothers flat with the majority of that time spent in his bedroom where he spews out misleading news article after news article in an attempt to be accepted as “funny” by other contributors to several “spoof” news sites.
Recently though Stanley has detracted from writing “comedy” due to several rejected submissions and in an attempt to justify his own existence created several fake identities to not only promote himself but to lambast other writers.
This “trolling” has affected his health, resulting in a recent hospital visit.
Suffering from ailments including a thick neck, a result of the carotid artery walls in his neck thickening due to the stress of being right all the time, bad posture due to carrying the weight of the ignorant internet world on his shoulders and a sprained wrist caused by excessive masturbating Stanley spent 3 days under observation in Leeds General Hospital.
Pale Stanley though is unrepentant. With his long greasy hair combed over his balding head he denies he is a troll and that he is simply “putting everyone in their place.”
“I have spent hours trying to convince everyone they are shit and I am good” he scowls behind his wrinkled brows, a result of a combination of permanently being frustrated and focused “they need to be told!”
Who “they” are is unclear however what is clear is that Stanley’s mother has had enough.
“He has to go” said a sad Beryl “I can’t sleep at night as he is continually hitting his keyboard loudly and shouting at the screen. He has worn down the caps lock button due to his excessive internet yelling. I just wish he would just find himself a nice girl and settle down. I think it is a result of his childhood, he was bullied at school due to his rat like features, they called him “Rat Boy”. Teachers can be so cruel.”