David Cameron confirmed yesterday he remains committed to the core cabinet policy of "employing at least one man called Andrew". 'We've always had great value from Andys' said the PM. 'Coulson did a sterling job as my press guy, Lansley was fantastic as health minister, and Mitchell is the best chief whip we've ever had'.
Rumours that Andrew Marr is to leave the BBC for a seat in the Lords and a role as "special advisor for family values" have been hotly denied. 'He's not Andrew enough' said Cameron. Our apostle namesakes have to mix flare and danger, and, as far as our employment vetting team can tell, Mr Marr is squeaky clean and boring. We're looking elsewhere'.