David Cameron announced that the recent Westminster gate affair had brought to light the need for certain people to become more aware of their behaviour. "I have booked the entire police force on a Pleb Awareness course on Wednesday at 12:30. Everyone is expected to attend. The Pleb Awareness course will make the police aware of how they should behave in the presence of their betters. This is about education, not punishment. The police have clearly not had the benefit of a proper education through no fault of their own, and now is the time to remedy that."
It is understood that the Pleb Awareness course will educate the police on a number of subjects such as forelock tugging, averting eyes in the presence of betters, the finer points of due deference and knowing one's place. Guest speakers at the course will include the Princes Harry and Andrew who will speak on the subject of tact and decorum in a changing world.
The Prime Minister added that Andrew Mitchell would not be getting off scot-free. "Andrew will not be invited to any of my country suppers for a period of up to one month. This will give him time to think about what he has done. And this month Sam is doing a Tarquiled Otter and Curried Badger pie, which Andrew is rather fond of, so don't let anyone think that this is anything other than a severe slap on the wrists for Mitchers."