Mitt Romney has unveiled plans to manufacture bespoke private jets that feature French doors opening out to a swimming pool and BBQ area on one wing, and a tennis court and sweeping croquet lawn on the other wing. A tree-lined drive will be situated on the top of the plane, leading to a garage at the tail.
The venture will be run through a Cayman Islands company called One Percent Jets, and has a projected start date of early November 2012, when Romney expects to have a gap in his calendar.
Romney said the idea came to him when he realised current jets don’t even have windows that open: “You might have a gold-plated bathroom, king-sized bed, and a home cinema system, but you are all cooped up without the usual outdoor mansion comforts. It is almost as bad as the time I was forced to travel first class on a commercial airline – they apparently housed cattle in the rear of the plane and the smell was another advertisement for opening windows.”
Romney was pleased with the innovative design features that enable the grounds of a large estate to be replicated on a jet: “The croquet lawn will double as a helicopter pad, and the tennis court can be configured as a shooting range. A staff cottage for the waiting staff, pool guy, and tennis coach will be situated in the undercarriage of the plane – the Cuban immigrants we have hired should be very happy with it.”
Industry reaction to the Romney jet was mostly positive, though Richard Branson was quick to give an interview perched on top of a giant pogo stick claiming that he already has a jet in the works that will contain an entire tropical island on one wing, a nurse’s college on the other, and will fly to the Sun.
US President Barack Obama predictably condemned Romney’s “elitist” venture, saying the design of the jet showed that how out of touch Romney was with 99% of ordinary Americans: “I’m all for windows that open to allow for a sneaky cigarette, but a croquet lawn and tennis court on the wing? It should obviously be a basketball court.”