In a week that has unearthed the profound class perceptions that threaten to shake British society to its very core, the beneficiaries of independent education have spoken out against the prejudice they face in everyday life. ‘We are making a stand against the systematic and pejorative demonisation of the privately-educated. Or “pissed at being dissed by the haters” if you attended a bog-standard comp,’ said Reuben Ford-Box-Hamilton of Eton Mess, a support group for anyone forced to run to the boat-house and back in break-time.
‘There’s a mythology surrounding the ‘old school tie’ opening doors that simply isn’t the experience for most private school leavers,’ said Ford-Box-Hamilton, who speaks openly about being overlooked as captain of the 1st XV. ‘These days, many places insist on a blazer and slacks as well. Far from being a fillip to my career, I often find my educational background means that doors are slammed in my face. And many other prospective Tory MPs report similar experiences. It’s simply not cricket. During the Trinity term, anyway – rugger or lacrosse during the winter.’
As governmental measures are considered to ease the privately-educated back into board-level positions, the Independent Schools Council was quick to praise the best of state-funded education. ‘Our rich tradition of grammar schools proves that wealth needn’t be a barrier to education excellence,’ said a spokesman. ‘We should all work together to challenge the perception amongst schoolchildren that to excel within education, you need to be a simpering, effete, quasi-homosexual softie. After all – just look at William Hague.’