Rebutting claims that Andrew Mitchell yelled “you’re f***** plebs” and “You don’t run the f******* government and you’re a bunch of m**************s!” at Downing Street police officers has cost the government dear. It has created what Downing Street is calling “An asterisk deficit situation” which can only bring more chaos to an already unstable punctuation market. It may be the government will have to borrow asterisks in a climate where they’ve pledged to keep debts to a minimum, or be forced to use dollar signs, which would have an immediate financial impact.
One Downing Street source said of Mitchell “the man’s clearly a c***. He just hasn’t got a f***** clue! But another source close to David Cameron told the first source: “Shut the f*** up! We’re supposed to keep it down, otherwise we’re going to be in deep sh**. Oh f***!”
It’s further emerged that Andrew Mitchell gave a young conservative activist an utter b********* on an aid trip to Africa. “B*********s like that could cost us dear at this uncertain time,” a Tory ****yst told a news conference. “We’ve heard of b********* after b********* this week as the row spirals out of control. That’s nine precious asterisks for every b*********! Oh sh**!”
Right wing MP’s have rallied to Mitchell’s support, blaming the Lib Dems for the crisis. “We’ve had to work with a bunch of f******* w****** for two years, and we haven’t been afraid to say so! Over and over a f****** gain! Now Clegg’s got his TV apology into the charts! What a f***** c****!”
