Prostitutes in the Welsh county of Gwent have been told to cover up and stop suggestive gyrating in their windows as of next month. Please.
As of October 1, the "working girls" will have to abide by the rules or else face a 12-euro (£9.50) fine. A new local police order will force prostitutes working day and night behind Aberystwyth-style, neon-flashing windows, a feature of the trade across mid-Wales, to cover up and quit sexually-charged posing before passers-by.
Mayor Daffyd Termont said he was not "anti-prostitutes."
"I'm not a puritan," he said. "Far from it! A county like Gwent needs prostitutes, but they have to respect certain rules."
These now include the prohibition of women appearing "naked, in underwear, in bikinis or in see-through clothes," or of "dancing in windows" or "miming sexual acts," the decree states. "and those with pronounced cellulite are to cease offering 'special Braille' lessons"
"Neighbours have been complaining, even the prostitutes themselves, about more and more nuisance in the area, fights breaking out as people clutter the pavements with deckchairs and thermos flasks, trying to nab a good spot outside the windows" the mayor said.
Local newspaperman Di Morgen cited one veteran prostitute, Edith Prosser, as saying particularly competitive new arrivals from eastern Europe were behind this cranked-up atmosphere compared to a decade ago. "Cheap Polish plumbing, my arse", added Edith, rather unfortunately.