Downing Street police demand firearms to repel outsurgents
(16 posts) (6 voices)
How generous of you. And thanks millions for your support..
Ah another 1*.
That's more like it.
That's the News Biscuit at it's best..
flogging dead horses...
... do you deliver ?
Sorry Stan, didn't know where this was going at all.
Couldn't see the funny, but then I do post shit about islamic badgers.
I didn't quite get this either Stan. And I do the Times Crossword.
When I say 'do' I don't necessarily mean 'complete.'
There was a pig of a clue in today's: 12 Across - Big headed ego Macmillan, alas regularly misplaced (14)
I got that one, but there were a few I didn't. I blame the drink and the late nights.
Just popped in to see what you're up to. Toodle pip!
That's the News Biscuit at it's best..
You mean "its", not "it's".
In deference to my mate, Dreary - not you, my friend Stan, I can only imagine that he'll wake up in the foulest of tempers, kick the cat, and throttle the canary. There's really no need for that. It's the stuff of the common playground during the war years. (Did I say 'war'? I'm 98 you know... and proud to be on the continent...or whatever it is that doctor chappie said.)
Have you got any idea what the consequences of your coruscating comment may have on innocent, furry, domesticated animals may be?
I thought not.
KILL THEM ALL!
And shame on you. You brute.
(I was going to sign off as Shuttlecock, but have since been informed that non-conformity is not the done thing here, so I'll non-conform by signing off with:)
It worked for the Sex Pistols...
oh stanley! what coruscating wit your headline holds! if only the rest of the semi-literates on here could see how monstrously funny your headline is, and award you five stars each, the world would be a better place!
it is, quite honestly, the funniest thing i have ever read, and i now know that i can never match your level of humour, i will never again even attempt a funny submission on here, or on other, lesser sites.
everyone else should pledge the same, we are clearly in the presence of a master of his craft, and one that is not too whiney when his outpourings don't receive mass adulation and sumptuous praise.
i would, in conclusion, like to give you 5 stars, but do not feel worthy of besmirching your reputation by presuming to be able to judge your opus, so i won't.
Like they say about jokes that need to be explained.... *THUD*
So, apologies all round (save for the bottom-feeder with a taste for sarcasm)
Anyway, here's the explanation for my twisted logic..
I thought my non-word 'outsurgent' was clever (obviously it wasn't). I presumed it would immediately trigger an obvious contrast between insurgents who try to force their way in – as opposed to outsurgents trying to force their way out.
Which, coupled with Downing Street (big clue) I wrongly presumed would spark an immediate and witty connection to the story of the day and the Tory Chief Whip.
So I also threw in firearms since everyone was going on about police carrying guns after the Manchester murders.
I now feel suitably admonished by the ongoing silence of NB regulars - who all knew immediately that I'd written an absolute bummer but were far too polite to say so. And I promise I'll never do it again.
Apologies if I'm the bottom-feeder. This sub seemed a bit of a gloomy place, I was just trying to lighten the mood...
Anyway, back to bottoms.
i think he meant me, dreary.
i just got sick of him begging for stars for a crappy submission, blaming everyone else for not being as clever as he was, and only giving it one star.
attention seeking scroat, err, i mean STOAT.
oh, and yes, we all understood it, it just wasnt very funny.
Ah, my dear Arthur, quite true, but the thread is starting to look promising.
Ah, I understand it now. After my friend Stan explained it to me twenty seven times whilst repeatedly twatting me on the head with an empty Budweiser bottle.
It's quite funny actually...
I don't see what's so funny about this. We need more armed police to guard against outsurgents from Downing Street. Who wants to live in a world where civil servants are allowed to just casually stroll the streets like a contributing member of society? And can you imagine how the property prices would plummet if it became known that an MP was living in your neighbourhood?
The lack of restrictions on politician's liberties is a shocking state of affairs. I say it's well beyond time that Downing Street was put under martial law!
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