Mobile phone stores were this morning literally underwhelmed as “some” Apple fans turned up to be the first to get their paws on the new iPhone 5.
“We put up queue barriers outside the door in preparation for 400 excitable customers; instead we had 12 people turn up, two of whom left when they realised that we didn’t open until 8:30,” said Dan Powell in the Croydon o2 store.
It was also rumoured that the fact that there was little or no interest in actually owning a new iPhone would put off the desperate little shits who only buy them to make other people think they’re important. Vincent Bishop of Westminster queued for 6 hours for an iPhone 4 in 2010, believing that the highly desirable touch-screen medallion would get him some friends. When he realised that there were 250 unwanted iPhone 5s in store today, the need to buy one dissipated somewhat. “I’m an absolute tosser, so temporarily rare stuff like this buys me at least a week of positive social status,” said Bishop through floods of pathetic tears. “All I wanted to do was be seen on BBC News, fighting off a bearded geek at the entrance to an Apple store like some sort of tough guy.”
Meanwhile, stores are wondering what to do with the unwanted phones. Powell reported that a large number of the devices had been bought by the co-allition. “Turns out all the MPs are jumping on the Clegg bandwagon and recording desperate apologies to be remixed on YouTube. We’ll definitely offload them all then – there’s one hell of a lot of crap to be forgiven”.