As Craig Ventnor announced his company’s creation of the world’s first artificial life form, the World’s press were launched into a desperate race to create the first artificial scare story about just how bad for us all this could be. Scientists fear that if the story is released into the wild it could grow out of control with unknown consequences.
Journalists from the Daily Mail and the Daily Express were said to be close to a breakthrough by using state of the art computers and Gin to fuse together elements of hearsay and guesswork with plot lines from second rate science fiction novels. The teams are understood to have teams of hacks with an extensive scientific knowledge gleaned from episodes of Dr Who and the X-Files. Details of the stories are sketchy, but are believed to centre on a bacterium that eats the value of your house.
Not to be outdone, Fox News has locked the writers of Resident Evil and Twenty Eight Days Later in a bunker and refused to let them out until they produce a script of ‘what might happen’ to be turned into a three minute CGI fear fest and broadcast every hour. Sources told us that “The public can rest assured that we will not stop until they are soiling themselves with terror at the wild suppositions and conjecture that we will set before them, but Obama and Liberals will be to blame”.
Asked to comment, Prince Charles said “When one started putting the wind up people about nano-technology a few years ago, one was mocked for sounding like a Michael Creighton novel about grey goo, so one was ahead of one’s time for a change.”
Meanwhile the Daily Sport is planning on leading with something more positive along the lines of “Boffins create ‘Grow your own nympho’ kit, and if the results look anything like Kelly in our picture here, there’s a couple of things that won’t be artificial about her. Plus, you can grow her a friend to join in!”.