A homewares shop that has not changed since it opened 115 years ago has closed down after claiming it was beaten by ‘technology’.
The Period House Shop in Warwick, Warwickshire survived through two World Wars and rationing only to be forced to close its doors because, according to owner Charlie Collett, due to the “modern age”.
The shop has traded since 1895 but on October 18 it will shut its doors for the last time.
Many experts are though stunned that the shop lasted as long as did with some calling Collett a “bit of a tit”.
Expert Malcolm Goon said “It is sad this shop is closing but they brought it on themselves. I mean, one shilling for a screwdriver, that they purchased at wholesale for two quid? What were they thinking?”
Many residents of Warwick are actually glad to see the closure of the shop.
“I went in there once to buy a hammer and some nails and tried to pay by credit card. All they did was stare at me blankly and look befuddled. They asked “what witchcraft is this ye purveyor of tools? A magic card that ye hold tightly clasped to thy personage? We only take the Kings Bullion, coins and occasionally magic beans. This wizardry will not facilitate the purchase of our stock.”
Still with original shop bell, the old-worldly shop has sold polish, door knockers, old-fashioned lights and tradition ceiling roses from a Grade II listed building that dates back to the 1840s. Unfortunately, modern housing and trends have made these items redundant and nothing has been sold for months.
“I just don’t understand it” said Collett “People come in asking for alarm systems, timer switches for lights….what the heck are they talking about?”
“We did our best to keep open. We installed a stable round the back so customers could park their carriages and buggies and we provided hay for their livestock whom conveyed said contraception’s. We opened upon the Sabbath and we offered customer support via a homing pigeon system, whereupon customers simply had to attach their orders to a pigeon and release him into the sky. We would respond in no less than two months to all orders, questions or support issues.”
'Sadly the modern age has finally caught up with us and we can no longer compete with modern shopping methods” lamented Collett, who says he is now considering enlisting in the Army, to fend off the Hun and the advances of the Kaiser.