The General Medical Council said today that there has been a 23 per cent rise in complaints made by Doctors about their patients, lack of sexual innuendo and the standard of “not so sexy nurses” and complaints have soared since 2009.
Family GPs top the list of complainers, with Doctors unhappy about the standard of patients and the diseases and sicknesses they have to treat. Many GP’s stating that patients “are just not what they used to be” and one Doctor even claiming “I am sick of sick people”.
“I expected kids with pans stuck on their heads, Sid James with a broken foot…what do I get? Some poxy scurvy riddled kid from an inner city suffering from head lice!”
The figures reveal male doctors – particularly older ones – made more complaints than other groups, with several complaining about the lack of sexy uniforms for nurses, a drop in the number of female patients “coming on to them” and “too many blokes”.
Older foreign doctors trained abroad were also highlighted as recording a higher level of dissatisfaction of patients with many claiming that British patients are hard to understand, with many “talking in tongues”, using colloquial slang that simply is not English and many end nearly every sentence with the phrase “in it”, causing confusion and bafflement for Doctors who learned English abroad.
In 2011, 8,781 complaints were made compared with 7,153 in 2010, according to the regulator, and one in every 64 doctors has lodged a complaint about at least one of his patients.
“Seriously, the standard of patients has dropped significantly” said one GP, who wished to remain anonymous, however his name tag identified him as Dr Gregg Burrell, “last week I had this woman bring in her kids. She said they were both suffering from sore throats. Despite my attempts to flirt with her, make sexual innuendos and at one point touch her knee she was more concerned about the welfare of her children! I became a Doctor after watching countless movies where Doctors got laid, got into scrapes and battled James Robertson-Justice. Dirk Bogarde and Leslie Philips used to “get some” all the time. I haven’t even had a finger up a nurse.”
Many physicians echo Dr Burrell’s concerns.
“Those films really made being a Doctor seem fun, what with sexy nurses and horny female patients. The reality is that most nurses are either male or bloody Chinese or something and you can forget the uniforms. Oh no, I haven’t seen one stocking or suspender in all the years I have been practicing. Of course complaints are up.”