Rupert the Bear has been sedated by armed police officers and transferred to a secure pen after killing a Nutwood farmer who tried to execute his close pal, Bill Badger.
Shocked residents of the idyllic English village, including Edward Trunk, Podgy Pig and Ming the dragon, looked on helplessly as Rupert reverted to violently defending his territory and tore the helpless farmer limb from limb. He then proceeded to eat him.
Despite generations of children believing Rupert to be an amiable, gentle-hearted chap, anthropomorphised by artist Mary Tourtel, the reality may be different. Local twig man, Raggety, said: “Are you kidding? He’s a bloody polar bear, one of the most violent predators on the planet. Don’t let the yellow trousers and red jumper fool you. He’s a fucking monster and we’re all shit scared of him. Bingo the Brainy Pup won’t even be in the same room as him.”
It is believed that Bill Badger is currently being comforted by close friend, Tiger Lily.
Publication of the Rupert stories have been suspended from The Daily Express until further notice. Richard Desmond, owner of Northern & Shell, which publishes the paper, has moved quickly to distance himself from the tragedy, planning to sell the popular daily to Italian publishers, Mondadori.
“Take your TB and get the hell out, while I turn this landowning prick inside out!”
“I’ll shuffle off then,” said Bill, in a hurry. “Save some for me, we’ll knock up a curry.”
“I’ll do my best, I’ll try to remember, but I’ve eaten nothing since early November!”
