The Deputy Prime Minister has been given the authority to decide what kind of take away ministers eat when working late. The coalition released the information as a show of unity and cooperation after a difficult few weeks.
In a joint statement the Tories and Liberal Democrats have said that this proves Nick Clegg is in charge of decisions of the utmost importance. ‘To work efficiently the human body needs fuel; we derive this fuel from the food we eat,’ read the statement. ‘Without it we would struggle to make the right choices while working into the little hours of the night. Mr Clegg is responsible for making sure we get the right energy. So in a way, he plays an important role in each policy decision. He also gets 50p for collecting it.’
In a boisterous mood Mr Clegg said, ‘I hope this puts paid to the rumours that I am an empty shirt. I don’t even wear a shirt when I’m eating; I take it off in case of dribble. The choice of meal between Chinese, Indian or traditional is vitally important. To work efficiently the human body needs fuel; we derive this fuel – what do you mean this has already been released? This was my statement; this was my – never mind – they never let me do anything. They’re just a shower of bastards.’