In line with celebrities of a similar standing who are just known for being celebrity media whores, such as Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian and Tulisa, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge are all set to make ‘the sex tape of the century’ enthused a St James’ Palace spokesperson.
Provisionally titled ‘Big Willy Does Cambridge: A Right Royal Rodgering (What The Butler Didn’t See)’, the film will be made by Prince Edward’s production company and directed by Silvio Berlusconi.
The idea is to make a film so explicit, no paparazzi photographer will ever be able to embarrass them again.
They also hope to silence critics who say they are no more than taxpayer-funded talentless airhead scrounging freeloaders by potentially reaping vast profits from the venture.
One of the UK’s foremost PR experts said: “This is part of an exciting new initiative to bring the Royal family right up to date in today’s society. We are also looking at celebrity reality shows and panto, anything. The aim is to remove all civil list payments to the Royals and get them self-funding.”
James Hewitt said: “This sort of thing is going to put a lot of celebrity media whores like me out of work, although I’m all for Harry doing it if he wants to, bless him. Apart from that I think it’s disgusting, haven’t they got anything better to do?”
Jordan and Chantelle were unavailable for comment, whilst Peter Andre described the idea as “insania” and Amy Childs pouted: “Shut up! Oh well, I suppose it’s back to the vajazzling.”
Dave Titbum from Essex said: “fucking hell, where am I?” sweating profusely, then he realised it was all a dream.